Wine Whine


I will never buy another bottle of Pepperwood Grove Voignier wine ever again. Why? Because it took a corkscrew, a pair of scissors, two chopsticks, a hammer, and a knife to get into it. I've been stumped by this bottle for a while now. I think I started trying to open it a month ago. Tonight, I was determined to get into it. Why? Because I can't let a little bottle of wine get me down.

First off, I was naive in thinking that the cork was topped with a bit of foam. The entire cork was foam! Some kind of industrial strength, AA-detox-Betty-Ford-Clinic foam. It was pre-teen underage drinking proof and almost adult proof. The waiter's corkscrew gave up because the worm would get in, and it just wouldn't budge after that. So, I tried to break it up and dig it out with a knife (not one of my expensive ones, mind you) to no avail. The glass around the opening started to grind against the back of the blade into a fine dust. Now I'm wondering what the hell is going on.
I sighed. I think about the situation a minute with my hand on my hip. I up end the bottle, and tiny bubbles rise to the surface, teasing me. Apparently my corkscrew made a small hole. Well, I think to myself, those Chinese are ingenious people.

I got it! I'll just drive a chopstick into the cork, thus creating a hole. Well, they might be ingenius people, but I forgot that I'm not Chinese. So there I stood, after minutes of pounding and praying that I didn't smash my hand and end up with the chopstick lodged in the foam. I'm thinking about telling the mayor of New Orleans to invest in some of this stuff just in case there's another hurricane. So, going for broke, I use the other chopstick (again, a pair from take-out, do you think I am crazy enough to use a good pair?) to push the first one all the way through. I upend the bottle again. Nothing. Not even a drop to tease me. No more air bubbles either. I grab the corkscrew again and screw it in at an angle. Somehow, miracle of miracles, I lodge it in just right and am able to get it stuck and tug and twist the cork out. By now, the wine is no longer chilled and I'm quite tired. I'm not sure if it's the best glass of wine I've had because of all of the work, or if it's the worst because it is a cheap bottle and I went through all of that for a glass of cheap wine. In any case, I'm still drinking it.

Poor Rosie. She had to witness the whole thing. Now she thinks the other kids are right in calling her mother an alcoholic.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

L2O Pain au Lait Rolls

Image
Last year for my birthday, I had the pleasure of dining at L2O, a fine dining restaurant that tastefully uses "molecular gastronomy" here in Chicago. I'd done a stage there, unfortunately it did not work out, but I am still quite impressed with Laurent Gras' food philosophy, how well run and organized the kitchen was, as well as the vibe between the cooks. Anyway, months later I had the pleasure of receiving the recipe for their pain au lait rolls via email from Time Out Chicago . These rolls were so good that I chose them more often than the others that were offered in selection from their bread basket. I'd filed the recipe away, and recently had the pleasure of making some for a dinner party. Initially the recipe was converted from weight in ounces to volume, so when I made it, not only did I double-check the accuracy (I found discrepancies) I converted it to a more accurate gram measure. So, pulling out my measuring cups, I converted it correctly to grams...
Read more

Key Lime Pie

Image
I will admit that I don't like a lot of citrus desserts.  I like my lemons sour-I eat them with salt-and I'm not too keen on key lime pies, though my mother loves them.  Making lemon curd is torture to me.  To stand over the pot, stirring the mix of yolks, lemon juice and sugar while smelling the proteins in the yolks coagulate is not a thing of pleasure.  I honestly think it stinks myself, but to each his/her own.  This doesn't mean I don't make the things I don't like very well.  In the world of pastry, you have to cook for your guests and customers, even if that means making something you don't eat. When changing jobs, going into a new kitchen and executing the previous chef's menu, you're torn between keeping their style, and asserting your own (these events are often booked months in advance, and some have tastings where the expectations are established).  So when I read Deconstructed Key Lime Pie on the menu, like a flip book, the ideas flicker...
Read more

Taste of Chicago

Image
Bear with me. I took photos when I went yesterday, but since those photos include my friend's daughter, I won't post them here. Instead, I'll feature the biggest reason I returned to the Taste this year: the Original Rainbow Cone. I introduced myself to this addicting delight last year. The only day I had off to go to the Taste was on the last Saturday of the event (I believe) and it was the worst day to go. Everyone and their aunt-uncle-cousin-grandma-greatgrandpa-was there. I had to fight to get to the food, fight my way out to Buckingham Fountain to enjoy the view of the lake and to eat my food without an elbow in my face, then fight my way back into the crowd to start all over again. I don't know how I ended up in the monster of a line for the ORC, but I did know that it had to be worth it, seeing as how I practically had to fight to keep my place in line. When I finally got to the counter, I took my cone back out to free space and began to enjoy the best ...
Read more